Alohha, konichiwa, shalom! :)
2013 is coming to its end and 2014 is creeping in closer. Frankly speaking, I am completely unprepared for the coming year, and only God knows why! Deep in my heart; rasa takut, gemuruh, risau, semuanya ada bila fikir nak masuk tahun baru. Where is the excitement?? Gone, it's all gone.
Unlike the years before, this time memang aku takut! Ha, berapa kali kan aku nak cakap benda ni? Huhuhu. The previous years, aku tak rasa apa-apa pun. I was like "okay, new year. And so? Life must go on right?". Ha, this time it's completely different!
2013 began with joy and happiness. Seperti yang ramai sedia maklum, I was in a relationship with a fellow. That's ME. For family, waktu ni memang ada kelam kabut sikit. Not my family yang kelam kabut cuma we have some big issues going on where at that time, we really cling on each other.
What else can you do when other people is pulling your family down? Of course you hang on there and rise up together, kan? That time rasa macam "oh em gee!!". But God is great, he put MrAZ in my life. He was the source of my happiness bila orang shoot us like mad.
Dan waktu terus berlalu, sampai satu ketika, the relationship just poof!! Habis, hancur, when he said "I'm sorry I've to let you go". Until now aku masih tak jawab lagi "It's okay, I will go", because I went out of his life dengan terpaksa. Bila difikirkan balik, what is the point aku teruskan hubungan dengan dia kalau family tak restu? Oh wells, nak teruskan, lagi dahsyat masa depan kan? So, jalaan daa.
The breakup was the biggest chaos in my life after so many years breathing here. Gila kau tak sedih bila kena tinggal?? Lagi-lagi when you know that he still loves you tapi kena pergi juga! But as I always tell myself, kalau dia sayang aku with all his heart, he would find a way to stay. Kan? And it has been proven, family first. Good job! No, I'm not being sarcastic :)
Life must go on, kata orang London. So yes, life goes on. Again I say, God is great! He give and take away. Yeap. He took away my source of happiness that He gave earlier on, and when MrAZ vanished from me, everything got better and better each day. Our family began to settle down, and put us in a place where love is spreaded. We stayed until now. Soon, He sent me over to Krista Kindergarten where too many exciting things happened! Dan rasa bahagia tu kembali :")
Honestly, these 2 incidents (breakup & family issue) really hit me hard! Gara-gara 2 benda ni, my life was totally messed up dan rasa nak give up pun ada! Everyday I will just speak to Him, because waktu tu only God knows what was in my heart, how I felt and stuffs. These 2 incidents even made me feel rejected. It's hard to be among the crowds. Aku macam tak nak lagi stay in contact with anyone cos the heartbreak was dammmnn!! Indescribable!
But yeah, He knows what is He doing! He opened my eyes to see things and speaks to me through people and stuffs. Slowly, I began to rise up personally though sometimes rasa kecewa tu kembali menerpa. Dan yang paling aku suka, He put me in Krista! Krista is where I found love. A real love! I love my students, I love my kids. I love them to bits and now, they are my source of happiness; besides family.
Kenapa aku cakap Krista tempat aku jumpa real love, it's because a kid's heart is innocent and always true. When they say they love you, they really do. They speak through actions :") The truth is, I don't really love them as students, but more as my kids. There are even times I said to myself "Hilang DIA tidak mengapa, I still have my kids". Lepas tu tergaman, "what did I just said??". Gahaha..
Lebih kurang macam inilah situasi aku everyday bila ramai-ramai dah serbu. Hahaha :")
Overall, 2013 is totally a challenging year and a year where I gained so many new experiences. And top of it, I see HIS love. He never lets me go, dan tetap setia meskipun aku tidak setia. Amazing, no? :") 2014? I don't want to predict anything. Biarku berjalan bersamaNya and everything will be okay!! ^_^
And last but not least, I am grateful for everything and everyone that appeared in my life, though they cause chaos, because semuanya terjadi mengikut perancangan DIA and pasti ada hikmah disebalik kewujudan mereka semua. Heheheee..
Thanks for reading this long entry. Adioz!